You Don't Know
by terminalKismesis
Summary: It started about a week ago, when Terezi and I were having an argument. Now, everyone knows that we dislike each other, okay; it's not like we hide it either. So I was quite surprised when Karkat started yelling at ME. I hear him say something. Something that broke my heart. HUMANSTUCK. GamKar Rated T for language. A oneshot I did for Christmas.


I let my gaze wander up to the grey sky, the clouds not letting up any since it had started raining two days ago. I sigh and scroll through old texts, re-reading them every once in a while. The pattering on the window got harder as the pouring rain turned to hail the size of tic-tacs as the wind sped up.

My name is Gamzee Makara.

And I fucked up big time.

It started about a week ago, when Terezi and I were having an argument. Now, everyone knows that we dislike each other, okay; it's not like we hide it either. So I was quite surprised when Karkat started yelling at ME. I didn't really care, though, I mean; he yells at everyone, so why should I be an exception. He didn't know me or anything so I don't know why that was all I was able to think about that night.

I kind of felt jealous for Terezi, Karkat seems to care about her more than anyone, Even when she and her boyfriend _Dave Strider_ does nothing but insult him. I guess I just wanted someone to do that for me, even if there was no actual meaning or feeling behind it. Just for someone to sit down and say, _'Gamzee, It's going to be alright,'_ Yes, it's cliché, I know. I just, I-I don't know… I guess all these motherfuckin' feelings I got goin' for Karbro here are what's doing this.

Still, no matter how much I wish and pray, nothing will happen. Because Karkat hates me. I know it. I can tell just by the way he talks to me, like I'm nothing. Because let's all up and motherfuckin' face it. I am nothing, I sit around my apartment all day and get high. I can't live without the drugs, they help me get this wicked calm on like no other. I continue to stare out the window at the cold, wet outside world. I get this sudden feeling of worthlessness. Tears start to prick at my hazed eyes as I remember all the cold-hearted things my '_friends_' have said. As it turns out, I don't even have any friends. I thought Tavros was my bro but, as it turns out he was just a sucker. He was made to be my _friend_ by Vriska. I overheard Sollux talking to Feferi about it. _'He's only doing it so he can get with the spider-obsessed bitch'. _

I guess I can't really complain though, Someone like me doesn't deserve friends, what do I have to give? I'm better off just sitting here in this stupid cramped apartment with my weed and guitar.

I sigh as I stand up from my spot in front of the window, I light up another joint as I crack the window open to let some of the clean air in. I take a long drag as my mind starts to go numb. This is all I motherfuckin' need in life.

After my little fight with Terezi, Karkat seemed pissed. He just glared at me, until I left, as he thought I was out of earshot, I hear him say something. Something that broke my heart.

"_Who the fuck is he?" _

He didn't even know who I am.

That's what hurts the most.

We go to the same school, I've watched him from the back of the classroom for almost four years. And in those four years, I've come to really love that motherfucker. I guess no one really notices me. I'm just the unpopular, dorky, stoner no one would give two shits about. But that's just life. There are probably hundreds of people like me out there. I just don't see it. It probably doesn't help that I don't have parents to turn to, though… Not that I even want my deadbeat parents around.

I remember the first time we 'met'. It wasn't really much of a meeting more like we were just starting school and I was wandering around searching for someone I knew. He was sitting at a bench, all on his own reading a soppy romance novel. Fifty shades of grey, I think it was called, but that's irrelevant. I walked over and sat across from him, he was honestly the most adorable motherfucker I've ever seen in my pathetic life. He looked up at me.

"_What the everloving fuck do you want?" He growls, obviously not wanting human contact. _

"_Nothin' I'm just motherfuckin' waiting for the beginning of class just like you," He makes a grunt of some kind, returning his gaze to his book. _

"_Fine, Just don't fucking talk to me," I hum in acknowledgement and pretend to read my class sheet; sneaking a peek at his adorable grumpy face every once in a while._

Oh how I just wanted to pinch his puffy cheeks. I blush as I remember how he looked. He had gotten a lot more mature since then but his cheeks still held that particular puffiness that just made me want to up and steal him; It was probably due to the fact he was nearly always motherfuckin' pouting about one thing or another.

My reminiscing was short lived as a sharp knock sounded through my apartment. "Who the motherfuck could that be…" I mumble out, making my way to the door. Kicking a stray horn out of the way as I went. I hear the knock again, and I speed up, "Yeah, yeah, I'm fucking comin'" I call out.

I unlock the door and swing it open, and what I find almost makes me drop my joint.

"Uh.. I'm sorry but.. could I come in?" there, in my doorway, was the only thing I looked forward to seeing every school day. My precious little Karkat. He looked all sorts of distressed, he was breathing hard and his cheeks were flushed red, probably because he did some serious running. Without waiting for my reply he barges in, walking straight past me. My reaction is a little slow but when I register what he's done I close the door behind him, locking it once more. "Would it be alright If I… stayed he a little bit... I'm kind of running from someone and if they find me they'll kick my ass," I nod and he seems relieved. He runs his fingers through his dark hair, just standing there to catch his breath or something.

"Karkat? Is everything alright?" I ask, worry leaking through my normal relaxed façade.

He just gives me this really weird look.

"How the fuck do you know my name…?" he finally says; shock written all over his face.

"We go to the same motherfucking school… I'm Gamzee," I mumble out, A little sad now. I put out my finished joint in an ashtray on a random table. He just continues to stare at me.

"Oh, who?" he grunts, taking a step back; he steps on a stray bike horn. The noise scares the shit out of the both of us. It scares him more than me though. I'm used to it.

"F-FUCK!" he yells, I can't help but laugh a little, He glares a me for this. "Anyway," he starts again, trying to look cool again, "If we go to the same school, you'd think I'd remember seeing you around," he started matter of fact-ly, Crossing his arms over his chest.

"You have seen me before… We've talked before… well, you just yelled at me.." I end up in a whisper; Trying my best to hold back these bastard tears. I can't cry in front of him.

Karkat looks like he's thinking, he pouts then says in a tone of sudden realization, "You're not that clown… guy… are you?" I nod. From the face he made, you'd think he'd feel bad; and that was probably what was going on in his head.

"Look, Gamzee… I'm sorry, You're not gonna kick me out… are you?" Karkat's gaze drops to the dirty floor, fingers playing at the hem of his grey shirt.

"Naw, You can stay as long as you need to, I don't care." He looks around the room, spies the couch and makes a bee-line for it. Plopping down on it for some much needed rest. I didn't have the heart to tell him to leave, not with someone looking for him. He really sounded desperate, and considering my apartment was the first one on this floor, it was just a fluke he'd came knocking. "Did you need a towel? You were all up and motherfucking running around in the rain and all," he peeks over from the back of the couch, seeming to think this over. "Or you can have a shower, can't have you all up and catching a motherfucking cold,"

"Could I have a shower? I'm fucking freezing…" he replies quietly. I chuckle as I go to my room and pick out a nice fluffy towel and some dry clothes. He takes them quietly, muttering a thanks as he wandered off to the bathroom. I'm not sure weather it was because it was cold or what but I could of sworn I caught him blushing just now. I smiled after him. I felt like such a huge dork, but; I guess I was feeling a bit better about myself now. Karkat was bathing in _MY_ shower. Checkmate, Terezi.

I laugh quietly to myself I really didn't want to sound like a creep but… after years of no human contact, I honestly didn't know how to act _'normal'_.

I take a seat on the couch, and turn on the t.v. There wasn't anything on this late, it was only like, 7:30 and starting to get quite dark. I wondered for a second If Karkat was going to leave now or in the morning. I shrugged, It didn't matter.

I flicked the channel over to some weird romance movie, there was two blonde chicks and a bunch of guys all being weird. One of the guys looked familiar, though..

Tavros… One of the guys looked like Tav. I began to feel myself tear up, my lip trembled as I was about to change the channel when over my shoulder I hear, "Knocked up…" I rub my eyes, shit. I couldn't let Karkat see me like this. I look over my shoulder to see he's trotting over to me, and drops himself on the couch, almost right on top of me. It's times like these where I actually like having suck a small lounge. "Gam… Can we watch this, I love this movie," I look to him, he seemed really exited, I couldn't tell him no. So I just put the remote down and made it look like I was relaxing. He leaned his head on my shoulder, "thanks.." Karkat mumbles quietly.

"Hm?" I grunt, sneaking a peek at his gorgeous face.

"Thanks… for everything, Gam...zee…" I smile, finally relaxing into this whole situation. "Though, There's one thing I don't understand,"

"Yeah?" I ask, genuinely intrigued.

He looks away from me, "I don't understand why you're really nice to me…" He takes a deep breath, "Even after how mean I've been to you," Karkat plays with one of the strings to the spotted pants he was wearing.

"Well, I'm afraid this motherfucker doesn't have the answer you're all up and searching for, bro," I take a steady breath, preventing me from saying what I was actually thinking. Because saying _'because I fucking love you even though you've only met me once and I've watched you from afar and I know almost everything about you'_ would seem rather creepy. So I just kept with the ignorant game. I hear him sigh next to me as we just continued to watch the movie.

The movie was longer than I expected it to be and I had almost fallen asleep a couple times, but I pushed myself to stay awake for Karkat's sake. By the end of it, I was laying across the couch and Karkat was laying half on me and the best part was I got to play with the motherfucker's hair. It felt nice. I wished we could have just fallen asleep like that but Karkat insisted on getting up to stretch when the movie ended so I just went with it.

"I'm hungry," I hear Karkat mumble, I close my eyes, feeling too tired by now.

"There's food in the cupboard and fridge, eat whatever you like, I really don't care.." He looks at me funny.

"Are you serious…" He looks over me, I sigh standing up. I push him to the kitchenette and open the pantry door.

"There, eat what you motherfuckin' like," He continues to give me an unsure look. "You said you were hungry, what? Too fuckin' polite to want to eat?" He makes a sort of strangled noise and I sigh; tossing him a cup of instant noodles.

"I- I really don't think I should take any more from you… You're been really nice to me and it's kind of weird.. No one's ever been this nice to me…" He just stands there shuffling his feet, eyes downcast.

I sigh, running through my hair in frustration, "Look, Karkat… There's a reason I didn't want to tell you…"

He looks up at me, for the first time that night he looks me straight in the eye. "Can you just tell me…" he pouts and I just want to pinch his cheeks.

"Promise me you won't hate me?" I say, a little unsure.

Karkat nods eagerly, "I could never hate you now, not after all you've done for me, I'll even shut my face and eat food,"

I chuckle some, taking a deep breath, "Okay, fine, I- I uh… I love you," He just kind of stares at me for a bit so I continue, "I've always loved you, Karbro. You've just never noticed me before now, and I feel really bad about it and-" I get interrupted by a finger being pressed to my lip.

"Shhh," Karkat says, "I understand," he says with a knowing smile. I smile at how cute he's being, "and uh, for the record, I thought you were always kind of cute too, even without all that clown shit all over your face," he laughs some and as an afterthought adds, "even if I didn't know who you were half the time,"

**Merry Christmas to myself; This is my gift to myself. Cause I didn't really get anything for Christmas. **


End file.
